The Mayor denounces mysterious "Wear the Pants' campaign.

Laconians have been noticing a growing number of billboards, posters, and website popups demanding that they "Wear the Pants'. Although the exact nature of the message has yet to be decoded by the Mayor's team of experts, early field analysis suggests that it has something to do with making Laconia's citizens wear pants.

The Mayor delivered a speech Sunday evening condemning the mysterious ad campaign:

"I'm not sure who this Dockers individuals is, or what he represents, but I would like to remind the citizens of Laconia that there is only one true path to fame, and that is to wear the Mask. This blatant, unimaginative copy of my 'Wear the Mask' campaign is to be ignored and is hereby prohibited!'

As the crowd erupted into cheers, many Laconians were left to wonder: Are 'pants' a code-word for something else entirely? Will these 'pants' make them famous? Who is Dockers?

Only time will tell.

A word of warning to all Laconian celebrities from your Mayor.

You came here looking to stand out, to be free of your dull average life – yet you want to be adored endlessly by the public? No, it doesn’t work both ways. The public think it wants something unique or special, but give it to them, and they throw it to the dogs. The public thinks it wants something like them, someone relatable, but they turn away from the ordinary. No, it is not enough to come here and live as you lived before. You must wear the mask.

'What is an artist?' by Ashley

There's something really special about artists - those who write scripts, who play instruments, who paint, who draw, who sing, who create art that changes people’s minds, people’s lives. Who create change that can shape someone’s day, someone’s year, even someone's lifetime, and do it many many times over.

The job of an artist is to put your heart, your soul, your talents on a platter, and share it. Share it with whoever is willing to take some. Seeing the effect that fearless, creative people can have on the universe, blows my mind. Artists aren’t sending rockets to the moon (mostly), but sometimes that's what it feels like.

My industry, the entertainment industry, is a curse and a blessing. A curse because it can rob you of your individuality; your essence, as you try doing the “right” thing, saying the right things, and be everything to everyone. Despite how creative this industry allows us to be, it is also a very quick judge, eager to put you into a neat category.

The blessings however, are the the wonderful people in this industry that push the borders of what is right, or what can be said, of what can be heard. These people exist outside the entertainment industry as well, in everyday life, and can just as easily be called artists. If you're lucky enough to know one, cherish them because they are truly rare and truly special.

If people want to be artists for fame or fortune, I think they are in it for the wrong reasons. The public isn’t stupid and they can smell 'fake' from a mile away. Be in it to experience the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. If you choose the artist's path, and you are strong enough to stay on it, after all the “you can’ts”, after all the opinions, what it does give you, which no other profession does quite like this one, is a sense of personal belief. There really isn’t anything that can teach you to be your own biggest fan, but in this career, you have no other choice but to balance rejection, and disappointment, with the belief, and the knowledge that you CAN do great things.

Go be an artist today, go do something amazing - be fearless and keep going. In Laconia, most have forgotten how and that needs to change.

- Ashley

The Mayor’s task force puts swift end to Madonna’s defiance

In a disturbing act of deviance, veteran Laconian celebrity Madonna attempted to walk the red carpet at the 84th Annual Bulge awards in a black mask of her own design. She was promptly detained for questioning. She released this statement following her arrest:

“Sometimes you feel you need a change, and I just got up this morning and thought…you know what?…it’s Now or Never”

She was then detained a second time, and released a second statement:

“Hey….you know what’s reaaaaalllllllllly cooooooooooool? Wearing the mask….yeah I love the Mask!”

Eyewitness accounts to Madonna’s second statement may have noted her slurred speech and facial bruising, but the Mayor’s representatives reassure the public that this was due to Madonna’s collapse onto a doorknob following a persistent dizzy spell.